through new eyes.

on my list of favorite activities, somewhere after running and before reading would lie people-watching. and living in the city provides ample opportunities for watching people, all kinds and shapes and colors of people. it's quite wonderful.

lately, i've gone a little further in my people-watching. i really try to catch people's eyes, look them in the eye.

and this can be a scary thing.

so i've made it a point to practice on people i know. which sounds funny, because before i moved here i think looking people in the eye was pretty much a given thing. but then the city hardens you a bit, and you start noticing that everyone seems incredibly interested in the sidewalk as you pass, so you start following suite. slowly but surely this callousness grows, and the next thing you know, your eyes drift from side-to-side as you are talking with your closest friends...and making eye-contact is almost painful. and really, i wonder if the root of it is that you don't want that person to see your eyes, to see inside you, because hard hearts have big ugly walls, and no one wants to see those.

each time i venture back to indiana - or at least during the last couple visits - i am thrown back into this crazy phenomenon of looking at people's eyes, because people are constantly looking me in the eye when i am talking with them, which at first is extremely uncomfortable...but after a couple days, it's just...nice. and i realize how important it is, and how much i haven't been doing it.

so for the past couple months, i've been more intentional, and it's been good. watching people's eyes, really staring into them, has been just another way that i think i've gotten to see people more through the eyes of jesus...which is entirely incredible and overwhelming and humbling and amazing all at once. things simultaneously become more clear and more confusing; many times i find my heart burning with equal portions of joy and anger; and answers to long-standing questions give way to just more questions.

it's good.

anyway, a couple pairs of eyes i'd like to share...

my friend nick. nine times out of ten, his eyes are dilated. he's an alcoholic. he lives on the streets. and he loves hugs, and calls me his kimmy. looking into his eyes i've been able to see so much of myself...just a tired and searching soul, trying to find a home, trying to understand this very f-ed up world. i also see a man who loves and truly appreciates his friends, who holds on to each one tightly. he is loyal, and deep deep down has a lot of joy that has only begun to make its way out.

this guy named jeff, who i work with at the gym. jeff is about my age, and has some pretty big mental and social limitations. i like him a lot because he looks at the world through eyes of a ten-year-old. and his eyes are the most beautiful blue eyes i've ever seen. they radiate. but what i see, too, in his eyes is loneliness. so i listen to his stories, and his repetitive phrases ("it's SO crowded" and "there's SO many towels"), that never lose one ounce of excitement. in him i see the child-like wonder i've all but lost...and i'm inspired to take hold, once again, of the child-likeness in me that so much of the time is pushed aside.

so here's to nick and jeff and others. thanks for allowing me to look into your eyes. and thanks for being brave enough to look into mine.